I wish sleep were a natural thing.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
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I stopped taking anything before bed. No sleep aids, no Ativan. I have been drinking herbal tea (I like this one brand, it actually names its teas after their effects: Tension Tamer, or Sleepy Time, ect.) I didn't brew any today, so maybe that's why I'm still up? Maybe it was my 1.5 hour nap, ending at 9:00 PM. But that was over 10 and a half hours ago! And besides, I didn't sleep that well last night (Monday morning)...I was up until 11 AM and slept until 4 PM. And that doesn't even make sense, because Sunday, I woke up at two, was at work for 9 hours (worked 8.5) came home, watched my TV show, watched Phil play video games, watched an episode of MASH, and then turned off the lights at 4 AM Monday morning. I layed in bed until 6 AM, then sat on the computer. I had to call my boss at 10 anyway, so I just stayed up until after I called her. I layed back down at 10:30, and fell asleep at 11. So, if I didn't get such great sleep yesturday (Monday), why can't I sleep now? (7:45 AM Tuesday.)
So, the past few months, my work has been limited to the house. Walking to the store, playing with babies, packing, those were my work outs. All week, I've been working a minimum of 8 hours, once without a break at all. Nine and a half was my longest stretch so far, and I did get a break, so I was at work for 10 hours. Others have been working for 12 to 16 hours, with the occational smoke break. I'd like to counter that with lollypop breaks. Oh, well. Going from being lazy on the computer, to working full days. Five days strait, I worked full time. No wonder I have actually been sleeping. Wish I could enjoy the money I just earned: seems like the more money comes in, the less I actually get to spend. I see little things I want: a swim suit that fits, the next book in a series I read, fresh fruit every day. I see big things we need: flea control, spaying the dogs, a fence for the back yard, a lawn mower, a weed eater, a roter-tiller, a stinking washing machine. I don't have a washing machine!!! I don't even have a real way to get to the laundry matt, or the money to pay the machines...grr...Because for some really strange reason, what we were easily paying for before, we don't have the money to do now. I managed to convince my husband to put me in charge of finances. I was at the past two houses, and we managed excellently. Now, we're having trouble, because he's incharge. Well, no more, I say!!! And he says, "Fine. You can do it better? Be my guest." I even budgeted saving money, so that he doesn't turn around and say, "The account is in the negative, because we couldn't afford gas this month." I think that's why we were good before: where ever we were, I was working, and if I was working, I was hording money, and therefore, there was always money to spend on what we didn't anticipate.
I was trying to look up vacations, too. Phill's boss even told him he needs to take one. I want to go to Wilmington for a 3 day weekend this August. I'd have to wrangle a significant amount of free cash for that. Also, Phill would have to finish securing this new car: the old one is currently a driveway ornament. We have the worlds most insane bad luck with cars. We just got this one!! That's another reason we're so far behind in bills. All our insurance money has been going to "Change Fees" for changing what cars we have on the policy. Every month, we have a different running car. Also, the state wants us to pay taxes on the cars for this month...even though we turned in the tags months and months ago. We don't own those cars, we haven't for ages! So, we're getting money to pay those taxes. *sigh* I even had a touch of money set aside, but we had to use it this week. I get paid later today, and that's spent. I'm ready to kick something.
Oh, and some neighbor was being rude. I understand you don't want your childeren in danger. And I don't want my dog in danger. So, my dogs are both tied on my property. They can't reach the road. A few cars race up the road, anyway, so I don't want them to get hit. If somebody walks down the road, yes, my dog is going to bark. She might look crazy, but hey, that's looks. She's been angry and afraid of strangers before, but she has never been close to biting somebody. She'd rather run away. And if you don't get on my property, she won't get close enough to bite you anyway. So, my husband steps outside, and somebody who is driving by yells at him. Phill asks if he can do anything for the man. "Yeah, you can tie your ******* dog up! Every time my kids go down this road, it tries to bite them!" Alarmed at this man's ferocity, Phill turns to tighten Natascha's lead, pulling her further from the road. The man keeps yelling, "And if you don't ******** do it, I'll call the police and they'll take care of it!" Phill angrily replies that he was shortening the leash. The man says, "Well....you know, if you had kids, you'd understand how I feel." So, now we're putting Tasch out back, and Razzle out front. I suggested this at the beggining, but as Phill wasn't listening to me back then, I didn't pursue it. He listens now, and Razzle is significantly less frightening than Natascha. This is why I want the fence. But I'm scared. I've known people to poison dogs. These are my babies. At this point, I don't want to outlive them, they are too precious. I need them. I'd gladdly spend my life in debt for their comfort and health. And I'm petrified somebody is going to delibratly harm them.
Besides, we're new to the neighborhood. A few of the neighbors we've met, they like us. It would have been different if this man had approached us, if he had politely asked for this action. So, adimosity is already there now. He was aggressive and threatening. I love kids, I've wanted to be a mother when I grew up since I was 6. I've wanted to be a teacher since I was 8. I've wanted to adopt since I was 14. I've wanted to be a foster parent since I was 16. And if I meet these kids? What will the father say? What will he do? What if his kids love my Razzle, who is cuddly and friendly? Can this be a good relationship between neighbors, after he has verbally attacked my family?
That was probably what was keeping me up...thanks for listening.
So, the past few months, my work has been limited to the house. Walking to the store, playing with babies, packing, those were my work outs. All week, I've been working a minimum of 8 hours, once without a break at all. Nine and a half was my longest stretch so far, and I did get a break, so I was at work for 10 hours. Others have been working for 12 to 16 hours, with the occational smoke break. I'd like to counter that with lollypop breaks. Oh, well. Going from being lazy on the computer, to working full days. Five days strait, I worked full time. No wonder I have actually been sleeping. Wish I could enjoy the money I just earned: seems like the more money comes in, the less I actually get to spend. I see little things I want: a swim suit that fits, the next book in a series I read, fresh fruit every day. I see big things we need: flea control, spaying the dogs, a fence for the back yard, a lawn mower, a weed eater, a roter-tiller, a stinking washing machine. I don't have a washing machine!!! I don't even have a real way to get to the laundry matt, or the money to pay the machines...grr...Because for some really strange reason, what we were easily paying for before, we don't have the money to do now. I managed to convince my husband to put me in charge of finances. I was at the past two houses, and we managed excellently. Now, we're having trouble, because he's incharge. Well, no more, I say!!! And he says, "Fine. You can do it better? Be my guest." I even budgeted saving money, so that he doesn't turn around and say, "The account is in the negative, because we couldn't afford gas this month." I think that's why we were good before: where ever we were, I was working, and if I was working, I was hording money, and therefore, there was always money to spend on what we didn't anticipate.
I was trying to look up vacations, too. Phill's boss even told him he needs to take one. I want to go to Wilmington for a 3 day weekend this August. I'd have to wrangle a significant amount of free cash for that. Also, Phill would have to finish securing this new car: the old one is currently a driveway ornament. We have the worlds most insane bad luck with cars. We just got this one!! That's another reason we're so far behind in bills. All our insurance money has been going to "Change Fees" for changing what cars we have on the policy. Every month, we have a different running car. Also, the state wants us to pay taxes on the cars for this month...even though we turned in the tags months and months ago. We don't own those cars, we haven't for ages! So, we're getting money to pay those taxes. *sigh* I even had a touch of money set aside, but we had to use it this week. I get paid later today, and that's spent. I'm ready to kick something.
Oh, and some neighbor was being rude. I understand you don't want your childeren in danger. And I don't want my dog in danger. So, my dogs are both tied on my property. They can't reach the road. A few cars race up the road, anyway, so I don't want them to get hit. If somebody walks down the road, yes, my dog is going to bark. She might look crazy, but hey, that's looks. She's been angry and afraid of strangers before, but she has never been close to biting somebody. She'd rather run away. And if you don't get on my property, she won't get close enough to bite you anyway. So, my husband steps outside, and somebody who is driving by yells at him. Phill asks if he can do anything for the man. "Yeah, you can tie your ******* dog up! Every time my kids go down this road, it tries to bite them!" Alarmed at this man's ferocity, Phill turns to tighten Natascha's lead, pulling her further from the road. The man keeps yelling, "And if you don't ******** do it, I'll call the police and they'll take care of it!" Phill angrily replies that he was shortening the leash. The man says, "Well....you know, if you had kids, you'd understand how I feel." So, now we're putting Tasch out back, and Razzle out front. I suggested this at the beggining, but as Phill wasn't listening to me back then, I didn't pursue it. He listens now, and Razzle is significantly less frightening than Natascha. This is why I want the fence. But I'm scared. I've known people to poison dogs. These are my babies. At this point, I don't want to outlive them, they are too precious. I need them. I'd gladdly spend my life in debt for their comfort and health. And I'm petrified somebody is going to delibratly harm them.
Besides, we're new to the neighborhood. A few of the neighbors we've met, they like us. It would have been different if this man had approached us, if he had politely asked for this action. So, adimosity is already there now. He was aggressive and threatening. I love kids, I've wanted to be a mother when I grew up since I was 6. I've wanted to be a teacher since I was 8. I've wanted to adopt since I was 14. I've wanted to be a foster parent since I was 16. And if I meet these kids? What will the father say? What will he do? What if his kids love my Razzle, who is cuddly and friendly? Can this be a good relationship between neighbors, after he has verbally attacked my family?
That was probably what was keeping me up...thanks for listening.
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